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| Fred is second from left, posing with some friends with much more respectable vocabularies. |
A recent Monday series about swearing on my Tossing It Out blog got me to thinking about the profanity in my own life. Some experts say that swearing is not used any more now that it has been in the past. I'm guessing that a lot of these so-called experts were born after the 1960's. I would disagree with the hypothesis they suggest. After I became of college age I noticed more swearing in society, but prior to that time whatever swearing I heard was very mild by current standards. I was a kid in the 50's and early 60's.
When I was a kid I would be amused on the rare occasions when my father would swear. The epithets that I remember were "Hell's bells!" or "Oh, balls!". We were taught to never repeat the word "hell" but the rhyming pair of words uttered by my father would always bring a snicker from me and my sister as long as he wasn't directly mad at us. And since my father was a juggler, "balls" was something we always associated with juggling. Again, I found it funny when my father would say the word, but I was reprimanded the time I used the word while trying to be funny.
My mother on the other hand used the much more arcane expression "Shite!" if she was really angry. We understood this to be worse than anything my father said, but still the word incited giggles from me and my sister. We were partly amused because she seemed funny when she was angry, which was rare. She never spoke like this around my father since he was against swearing for the most part. Especially if it came from a woman's mouth.
It was the fifties after all. It was a time when you could go someplace and most men would be dressed in suits and women in dresses. Decorum was the order of the day and kids were to be polite in all situations. I don't recall ever hearing anybody using bad language. My parents hung around with a lot of show people and all of them spoke very cleanly when the kids were around. Things were not as they are now.
From about sixth grade on I began picking up on various vulgar words, that is hearing them, but never uttering them. I was raised to use clean language and that has essentially stuck with me for the most part to this day. That is not to say that a good many of my friends were not relatively foul-mouthed.
Most of my friends had been raised like I was and kept the conversations clean for the most part. We didn't discuss things too crudely most of the time and we had a respect for women. But there were those few who could make me cringe with their language. Why did I hang around with them? Because some of them were fine men other than the language, while others were just friends in my circle that I tolerated because they were friends of some of my close friends.
One example that stands out most is my dear friend Fred. I've written about him on my blogs on other occasions. He was one of the closest, dearest friends I've ever had. He also had one of the foulest mouths I've ever heard. Sometimes I'd try to register my complaints about it and he'd just laugh it off. Fortunately he kept the language respectful when he was around my parents.
Fred had grown up in challenging circumstances from what I'd heard. His father was a soft-spoken man around me, but I could see where he might have an extreme temper if you were not on his good side. From the stories Fred told me, his dad was a mean fellow who gave Fred a rough time. Fred did not seem to have any great love for either of his parents, but he had more friends than just about anyone I've ever known.
There was that dichotomy of the offensive blasphemer and the golden-hearted guy who would do anything for a friend. I'd known him from early high school long into adulthood. He never changed much. I tolerated his bad language habits and enjoyed his company when he was around.
My friend Fred died at a relatively young age. He was in his early forties when he passed. As I think about it, most of my friends who had the foulest mouths are now dead. I'm not sure what that says. Maybe they were just wound up so tight they were doomed to go earlier than the rest of us. Or maybe a wild lifestyle that went hand in hand with their language led to their early demises. I think it's a good bet that both are true.
Have you had foul-mouthed friends whose language you tolerated because of who they were? Did you ever try to encourage someone to clean up their language? Do you know anyone past the age of 70 or 80 who is extremely foul mouthed?
I think Lee you know the answer of do I know anyone who is foul mouthed, as for putting up with it the answer is a firm NO. I was not brought up to use that language......I am not a prude but will not tolerate someone close to me verbally abuse me.
ReplyDeleteIf people want to swear well that is their choice but who they verbally abuse is another.
Yvonne.
I grew up in the same time period as you, and I know language has changed. Words we never would have said are thrown around like they are seasonings. Like you, I heard my dad swear only a few times and it was shocking to us - and though we heard it, we knew it wasn't for repeating. My husband grew up on a farm where workers were more crude, but still careful around youngsters and women. I remember my grandparents getting ready to go in to town...suit , tie, hat - fox stole, dress, heels, hat AND gloves!
ReplyDeleteIt was a gentler, more refined time, and prior to that even more so, I'm sure. "Leave It to Beaver" was more our reality than people want to believe now.
I got so used to swearing b/c of my various jobs in TV (which was still primarily a 'man's' field) and in the law firms that I just picked it up so easily & the words just became 'words'. Every lawyer I ever worked with would swear a blue streak. I worked w/ a female lawyer in WA that used the 'c***' word all the time. I also had such bad road rage that filth would pour from my mouth while driving. It never occurred to me how bad it sounded.
ReplyDeleteThen when I started talking to Russell, he asked me to quit swearing so much. He loved me and didn't want people to think I was trashy. I've curbed it a lot and now when I hear a lot of profanity it takes me a little by surprise!
Like JoJo said, if everyone around you is swearing, you can pick it up too. I don't think it's become acceptable, but the taint of 'forbidden' words has been somewhat dimmed by their over-use.
ReplyDeleteLanguage is interesting in all its facets. Even swearing - and why we swear. Does it reduce our stress or just make us think that it does?
(as in when you hit your finger with a hammer trying to nail something. . .)
BOIDMAN LEE ~
ReplyDelete>>... Some experts say that swearing is not used any more now than it has been in the past.
I recall your first post about swearing - the one from a few months back - and I remember one of your readers (a female but the name escapes me) saying that people do not swear any more now than they used to.
In the comment that I left, that was the first thing I jumped on - and I jumped all over it! As I recall, I said words to the effect that anyone who says people don't cuss in public more now than they used to, is either too young to know or too oblivious to what goes on around them to notice.
Everyone has an opinion. It's too bad so few opinions are based on facts. Oh, sure, I'll concede that a lot of people BELIEVE their opinions are based on facts, but that's because they tend to look and listen to only one side of an argument and rarely objectively examine and sincerely consider what the other half says.
~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'
Yvonne -- Foul verbal attacks toward others are uncalled for.
ReplyDeleteDonna -- I really do believe that the shows like "Leave It To Beaver" did accurately reflect the times--it was like the homes of most of my friends and I think this image came about for a reason. I believe there is a new generation that would like us to believe otherwise.
JoJo - I was one of the odd men out in my circle of friends. There were a few of use in fact who did not regularly use profanity and actually most of my friends who used it, didn't use it to an extreme. There were a handful of those and they all had certain issues that they were dealing with that I think influenced them to want to speak that way.
DG -- Maybe using the words creates an illusion of reducing stress if we cause others to cringe by using the language thus making them appear to be more stressed than we are. One theory perhaps.
StMc-- Anyone who says that swearing in public has always been common was probably born after 1965. Granted I wasn't exposed to a lot of different cultural strata when I was growing up, but still I went to public events like ball games and hung around show people and you would think I would have noticed bad language being used in those places if it were common. Maybe in the military or other place where men were predominate, but there was at least a decorous sensibility around women and children back then. I do believe that we may base our opinions on the facts as we know them or from what we've heard and believed to be true, but that does not always mean our opinion is exactly true. And there can be variants of the truth where both sides can have truth but be coming to different conclusions. You are correct in the respect that when most people come to what they conclude to be the truth, they will adamantly stick to their side and shut out all other information. That is one reason our country and the world is so factionalized. I like to hear other sides just in case I've been believing the wrong thing.
Lee
I grew up in the 60's in Texas with Christian family all around me. The worst words I ever heard until, coincidently, the 6th grade were damn, shit and hell. Mama would say, "Damn it Clayon" and Daddy would say "Well, hell Jessie Ruth!" in thier most heated moments. If daddy hurt himself as he was working on something, he'd say shit in much the same way your mother would say it. The side of a building in 6th grade was my interduction to the more vulgar stuff. Someone had spray painted pussy there. My freinds were gasping and laughing. I kept saying "What's the big deal? It just says pussy." My friends would laugh the harder. I only knew it as a term of endearment about a cat or kitten. How shocked and angry I felt to learn it had other connotations. I suppose that it why I still find it one of the most abhorent vulgar phrases. - Barbara
ReplyDeleteLife & Faith in Caneyhead
You asked if we know anyone over 70 or 80 who cusses .. I mentioned before that my dad does and he's 85. I think he's actually worse now than he used to be. He apologizes, some times, or thinks/pretends that other people don't hear him. He swears over nothing - a dropped fork, a loud noise.
ReplyDeleteAs for swearing in public, I think it's much worse. I grew up in the 60s and I'm sure if I had heard people swearing I would remember. Now people will swear whenever/wherever. My kids bring friends over who have never even considered watching their language. It doesn't phase them to say the f word in front of us.
And I think one of the problems is movies. I think the language in movies makes it more acceptable.
Change of topic...I love the picture. Classic. Happy Memorial Day.
ReplyDeleteHere's a comment that the poster had a problem with and it didn't show up in the comments. I am reposting per Barbara's permission:
ReplyDeleteBarbara In Caneyhead has left a new comment on your post "My Foul-mouthed Friends":
I grew up in the 60's in Texas with Christian family all around me. The worst words I ever heard until, coincidently, the 6th grade were damn, shit and hell. Mama would say, "Damn it Clayon" and Daddy would say "Well, hell Jessie Ruth!" in thier most heated moments. If daddy hurt himself as he was working on something, he'd say shit in much the same way your mother would say it. The side of a building in 6th grade was my interduction to the more vulgar stuff. Someone had spray painted pussy there. My freinds were gasping and laughing. I kept saying "What's the big deal? It just says pussy." My friends would laugh the harder. I only knew it as a term of endearment about a cat or kitten. How shocked and angry I felt to learn it had other connotations. I suppose that it why I still find it one of the most abhorent vulgar phrases. - Barbara
Life & Faith in Caneyhead
Posted by Barbara In Caneyhead to Wrote By Rote at May 25, 2013 at 12:46 PM
Lee,
ReplyDeleteI love language and the more expressive, the better. Blue of course is only one color and those who rely on it exclusively lack imagination. But those who mix it in with all the colors and, much like a painter, use it for specific effect, are much higher on my party list.
I agree that far, far, far too many lazy individuals have come to rely on a litany of f-words and expletives (or rather re-flexpletives as they've come to use them all too frequently).
As long at the use of a particular expression is the very best and most appropriate choice for the situation at hand, then I'm fine with good solid language that perfectly describes the mood, moment, or emotion.
Bravo on another thoughtful and well-expressed post. Your work is among my very favorite blogs.
Peace out!
Thea -- I think one of the biggest problems in our society is a general disrespect for others.
ReplyDeleteJeanette -- It is kind of a classic picture.
Barbara -- Thanks for the story. I have a story about the same word that I may have to relate here one day.
Michael-- When the language is conserved to be used for the purpose of impact then I can accept it more readily, but when the words are merely useless filler then I don't like it. Thanks for the kind words.
Lee
I absolutely agree, swearing is worse now than ever. Isn't it interesting how smoking on t.v. used to be no big deal, but swearing was censored. Now swearing is part of our vocabulary, music, video etc. and smoking is almost completely unseen. Politics aside, I think the mindset of the people is being revealed in how we act and what we say.
ReplyDeleteMy folks never cursed around us. I'm positive my mom has never said a curse word in her life. We raised our children by example and never cursed around them. But, my son for years spewed all kinds of profanity (after he left home). He still uses the f word too much.
ReplyDeleteMJ -- I'm not sure that I'm too happy about the mindset of most people.
ReplyDeleteTeresa -- My kids don't use bad language around me--I hope they don't otherwise. I think they probably tend not to.
Lee
My parents seldom swore, but I'll never forget when we were in a hurry to see my grandparents, and my dad started swearing at another driver on the road. My brother was probably only four or five at the time, and when he saw my grandma he blurted out, " GD those lousy drivers!"
ReplyDeleteSorry you lost your wonderful friend at such a young age Lee.
Julie
Julie -- Kids will emulate what they hear so we have to be careful if we don't want them saying the wrong things. Fred was a gem of a guy and he has a lot of friends who miss him.
ReplyDeleteLee