It's been over a week since I arrived at my mother's house in Maryville, Tennessee. I've spent a lot of time just staying at the house, sometimes reflecting on memories while at others just basking in the aura of this place that's been in our family for nearly 50 years. And now we're trying to sell this place.
Since I've been here we've spent most of our evenings just sitting on the deck that overlooks the expansive back yard. With the approach of evening comes a hypnotic chorus of cicadas soon joined by a myriad of crickets and other critters whose names I don't know. The insect soundtrack provides a steady background for our discussions of stories dredged from the past and the uncertain plans for the future.
Getting rid of this house is the main thing on all of our minds while being the topic we hope might disappear as it becomes resolved in the simplest manner. I'd be happy if the house just stayed with the family and we could have summer evenings like these recent ones from now until...
Then again, maybe we need to let go of this past. Leave it to our memories.
My time here is running out. I need to leave this coming Thursday and I haven't gotten anywhere near what I had hoped to have done. I've got some boxes packed up to take with me but there are so many things to do here. Once I leave, I may not be coming back unless I absolutely have to.
I want to come back. This is part of the story of my past. This house is like part of my life museum. No one else knows all of the stories here. Not the stories I do. And I don't even know all of the stories. This is a house full of stories.
This week I will be leaving, but I will never truly be gone. Or should I say I will take pieces of this house in my heart. The crickets chirp into the the night as I drift into sleep. Those crickets. They know something. Perhaps they know everything.
I know nothing at all.
It's sad that you are closing this long chapter to your life. No one in the family wants to buy the house? I know you say you'd like to go back but you know what they say, 'you can't go home again'.
ReplyDeleteJoJo, if my situation were right I'd buy this place and move back, but this is not to be. My other siblings say they can't afford to buy it. There might be other issues though. It seems like we all enjoy being here when we are here.
DeleteLee
This is such a difficult situation, having to let go of so much that holds one's life story. I can feel the pain of this post and remember having these same conflicts. Beautifully written post, Lee.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind comment Karen. It's weird but we know what to do but keep putting things off or finding other diversions. I think we're partly afraid of what the market response will be once we've put the house officially on sale.
DeleteLee
I'm glad the tree frogs and crickets are singing a symphony for you. They do have a lovely sound. Several months back, I was walking my property thinking you eventually have to move on no matter how much you love a place. I'm not moving but each move I have had was an emotional release to a big part of my life.
ReplyDeleteI hope the final decision is the best one for everyone of you in your family. God bless.
Thank you so much for your thoughts. Where I live in California we don't have those magnificent night sounds that we have in Tennessee. I love just sitting and listening and thinking about things. Yes, we eventually have to move on, but this house has been so much a part of us all that it's strange to let go of it.
DeleteLee
I wish houses could talk.. I grew up in an old house that was 75 years old when I was a kid. My grandmother inherited it in the 1940s. I have lots of memories but only a few stories of that house.
ReplyDeleteDG, I love going into older homes just for the feeling. If they could talk that would be great.
DeleteLee
Much like a elderly relative, my thought is at least you got to say goodbye. I wish I had a couple weeks with the house I grew up in like you are having. Through my own stupidity that is gone forever. Appreciate the time...
ReplyDeleteCW, I have felt like I've been saying good-bye to this house for my last several visits. Maybe it won't leave the family. Something still could happen where it remains a part of our family. It's not gone until it's sold.
DeleteLee
Hope you are taking lots of pictures! As sentimental as we can feel about a place or a thing, in truth, as long as we have memory, it is still with us. But pictures can help in the sharing with others.
ReplyDeleteLife & Faith in Caneyhead
Barbara, oops! As usual I haven't been taking the pictures and I need to. I didn't even have a picture to add to this post! I did take some video the other evening in order to capture the sound of the insects in the trees.
DeleteLee
I know how difficult this must be and... yes, you have more memories than any amount of boxes could ever fill. And you get to carry them with you wherever you go.
ReplyDeleteBish, hope I'm able to hang on to those memories or at least get them all written down before I do forget them.
DeleteLee
Even if you return, it will never be the same. How could it be. So if you return, have no expectations except that of what's real. We often live in the past. Honestly, that's never healthy. Prayers for you lifted, my friend.
ReplyDeleteTeresa, I'd love to keep coming back to this place for years to come, but the likely reality is that someone else will be taking over and making their own memories here. I hope that's what happens so we don't have to spend money to maintain it.
DeleteLee
I still drive by my grandma's house on occasion, if only to smile for the memories. Oh, it doesn't look quite the same, but my memories do.
ReplyDeleteFrom experience I'd advise that you try not to rent it for the costs of maintenance tend to triple.
You write so eloquently that I felt I was right there with you on the porch and could almost hear a wistful sigh...or maybe that was me! :-)
Always hard to let go of something with so many memories, but at least, you do have those. Hope the sale of the house goes smoothly.
ReplyDelete