Once Upon a Time #atozchallenge

Dan Fogelberg   "Once Upon A Time"   (1977)



Once Upon a Time

          Life is filled with stories.  We could think of them as chapters of a bigger story--the story of our life--but often these chapters, these smaller stories within the big story, seem disconnected.  What about your past?   Pick an age and then think of a time ten or twenty years later.  Or maybe even more if you're closer to my age.  Me at ten years old let me introduce yourself to me when I had children who were ten years old.  Or even later when I had grandchildren who were ten years old.  The cycle of stories continues to be told.

         When I look into my past I can pick out some incident that can be packaged neatly into a story.   I don't need to do much character development or to relate any backstory.   The story at hand stands alone seemingly unrelated to anything that came before or happened afterwards.   The story is simply something that happened--a beginning, a middle, and an end.

          Each day is lived as a series of stories with some connected and others just random things that are tossed haphazardly in the mix.  The story today might essentially be the same as yesterday's story and tomorrow's story.  The routine of life often passes by unextraordinary.   Those stories can be elaborated upon but there is that sameness to them that could be seen as boring.  Then one day that out of the ordinary thing happens to make a story more worth telling to others.   A lot depends on our perception of daily events and the ways we can put greater significance to those events.

          Once upon a time I was a kid and had a relatively normal kid's life.  Later I was an aimless young man sometimes lonely and confused.  Once upon a time I met a young woman whom I married and with whom I had a child.   There was a divorce, then another marriage with more children, then another divorce, and then another marriage.   Each story had a beginning and an end of sorts.

            The story in which I live now is a very different story than I was living ten years ago and that story was very different than the story ten years before that one and ten years before that one.   Stories.  A lifetime of stories.   Like a television series where each week there's a new episode with something new happening.  The characters may stay the same, but the story is different than the one that came before.

            My life is filled with once-upon-a-times.  I don't know how many more there will be or how the bigger story will end.   I'm just happy that there are stories because where there are stories like I have, there has been a life.

           Do you mostly think of your life as one big connected story or a series of smaller stories?    Have you changed much over the years?    When you were younger did you imagine that you would be where you are now?


       

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The Working Years: Out on Our Own

The life stages (beach picture, beach scene in Wiek) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

           This post is the third in the series The Stages of Life for the Purpose of Memoir.   In the introductory post I suggested that life can be broken down into four major stages when writing memoirs.  So far we have looked at Memories of Baby Life:  Do We Have Accurate Recall? and School Days: Building Who We Are.  You can click on the three links to read these posts if you missed them.

Leaving Home

          Whether we go on to work after high school or defer work to go to college first, most of us at some point will cut our ties with living in our parental home and move on to a life on our own.  These are typically the years of work.   Many of us will go on into relationships with others and often that will result in marriage and families as we become responsible for raising our own children.   No longer seen so much as children of our parents, we now have our own identities with new roles in which others see us.

           Leaving home often begins with going away to college, doing a stint in the military, or some adventure that is a preliminary step to our career life.  The adjustment of setting out on one's own can provide fine material for memoir.  These can be humorous times or periods of doubt, fear, and angst.   Whichever way we look at this transition stage, it can be a time filled with love, loss, and learning.  This part of our life is often a great story that we can share in order to help or entertain others and provide lessons in life to others who may need them for their own growth or to understand their own past.

Revealing Our Identity

         Eventually we enter into that period of life that most identifies who we are as others see us.   We may enter into the careers that bring us recognition in the circles of those who know us.  Our stories of how we made it in life and what we accomplished can be very interesting to others.  Those stories may consist of success or failures, but with the memoir we should be able to use the important experiences to help bring revelation to those who hear our tales.  Anecdotes about our working careers can teach others or stir emotions within them.   For many of us our jobs define who we are and give us a big part of our life stories.

         The current generation is not as rooted as previous generations when it comes to career.  Some of us may have worn many hats in our working life as we've hopped from job to job.  There are many stories in this scenario.  A memoir of work life can be many things and portrayed in many ways.  Whether the memoirist is attempting to entertain with humor or teach with instruction or whatever else, a mixed job bag can be like a diamond mine of writing possibilities.

         Adult life is not all work.  There can be stories of love, struggles with health, political involvement, parenting--you fill in your own blanks.  What was most significant during your most active adult years?   You may have a special story that you need to tell about those years.  Or you may have many stories.  The stories are there when you start digging for them and they all have the potential to be interesting.

           Do you think that our work is generally what most defines who we are?   What are some kinds of  stories that you think could be most helpful to others?    Can you think of examples of inspirational stories of working, parenting, or other aspects of adult life?    Do you prefer a memoir that is humorous, uplifting, or educational?

    

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School Days: Building Who We Are

Adolescence 

           In this post we continue to consider The Stages of Life for the Purpose of  Memoir.   My previous post, Memories of Baby Life:  Do We Have Accurate Recall?, looked at the formative years that shape the basis of how we see ourselves and how we perceive that others see us.  I think it would be accurate to say that the preschool years form the foundation of who we are.

Building a Person

         If those baby years are the foundation, the educational years are the time when we build upon that foundation. Our education consists of honing our mental faculties and learning social skills.   Prior to school, most of us probably experienced relatively sheltered lives where we felt like the center of a universe that primarily consisted of our families, relatives, and other people with similar background.   After our first day of school our world becomes radically changed.

         Now we are thrust into a social environment that forces us to interact with teachers and other children.  It becomes more difficult to run to the security of home and parents.  We learn to cope and become more independent.  Most of us adapt pretty readily--it's either swim with the flow or try to cling to whatever it is we hope will save us.  Adaptation may vary depending on the foundation that was established in early life.  Some kids have a tougher time than others, but they're all in it together.

         These school years are where the memories start becoming clearer and more organized.  Since we are older and have more experience with life, we understand things better and can put what is happening in life in better perspective.  We usually will develop friendship relationships that can last for many years and in some cases into later life.  The basics of getting along with others and dealing with conflict on our own begin developing early on and grow as the educational years continue.   Some will fall short in these endeavors, but most of us manage.

         The daily educational curriculum forces us to learn new skills and gain new knowledge that will assist our intellectual development.   Our aspirations of what we want to be after we graduate and become adults may come into clearer focus.   We are aware of our abilities and interests.

          The school years are rich in activities and milestones that stand out in our minds.  Stories about the events become ingrained within us to be told years later.  Much of our memory will hopefully be happy or interesting, however some may be hurtful and even traumatic.  The events all become the narrative of the years of education.

Mining for the Memories

         I can recall a great deal of my student years, but I have probably forgotten more than I can remember. This is a time of life when I can't always ask a family member about what happened because often they weren't there.  But that is always a good place to start.  Some of the memories will be shared experiences while other memories may be second hand or something they can relate to their personal memories.

         One of the best prompts for each school year are my class pictures.  When I was younger I wrote down names of students who I remembered on the pictures.  Those names can be easy to forget over the years and having written the names can revive memories when I look at those pictures.  My high school yearbooks are especially valuable to stimulate the nerve endings of my recall.

         Another help is that I have saved many old school papers and documents.  Report cards and official school records can be very useful.   Copies of the high school newspaper have reminded me of things that I had totally forgotten.   It would be impractical to try to save everything from those years and I have culled out much that did not seem would ever be useful.  However, I have kept many school papers, tests, and drawings that can take me back to that time long ago.

           Unfortunately, other than school pictures, I don't have many other photos of the school years.  My mother may have some, but I have not seen those for many, many years.  I'll have to check one day to see what she still has.   Old photos are by far one of the best helps in remembering years gone by.

           Some things I do have are souvenirs, mementos, and collections.  A post card collection that I started when I was young recounts family vacations and other milestones.  My stamp collection is something I spent many hours organizing when I was in my years before high school.  It's been many years since I've looked at it in depth, but I can guarantee that if I were to break it out and comb through it many memories would be stirred.

           What are some things that you still have from your school years?   Did you keep a diary that you still have?   Do you have mostly good or bad memories of the school years?   Or do you remember much at all?