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My Darling, can you hear me
As I call you from afar?
A storm awakes me as I dream of your sweet kisses,
Then I lie awake for hours.
From "Gone, but not Forgotten" by Arlee Bird (1977)
You had gone home to your parents. I was out on the road, away. Working. We needed the money with the baby on the way. I had this one more job to do before I would be coming to you. I said.
Those weeks seemed like years. Being away so long felt unnatural, for weeks that felt like years. Our marriage had not been long and it had seen its tumult. You were probably too young and I too immature in things like relationships. I was probably not ready for you nor me for you. You had years of youth to get out of your system and I was ready to be responsible. I think.
This was our first time apart since our wedding day. I felt this emptiness and insecurity in our parting. Life was going to be vastly different when I joined you in a city new to me. In a new apartment that you would find while you were free on your own pregnant.
Me pretending by day and trying to sleep at night, when I dreamed, I dreamed of you. I dreamed of us. Uneasy dreams like many of our conflicts. Sweet dreams like our good times together. I desperately wanted it all to work.
Eventually I was done with my gig and in my new home with you. For a while things went well. Most of the time, but with those moments of stormy upheaval. We were too different in many ways and yet so much the same.
We did make it work for a few years. Kind of. And then it didn't work. That dream ended and new ones took over.
Sleep came better when I was no longer dreaming of you.