Wonder ( #atozchallenge )

Image by Thomas Leuthard via Flickr

      Wonder is one of those crazy words that mean more than one thing.  You might feel a sense of wonder about something, but then you might wonder about whatever it was that you experienced.  Yeah, that sounds like how love can be sometimes.

       Love can be full of wonder in the sense of amazement.  The cliched metaphor of fireworks going off at a kiss came from the fact that sometimes kissing the one you love is like the amazing wonderful things happening that makes all of life seem bright and illuminated.   A relationship filled with hope and positive future is all flowers, smiles, and dazzling stars in an endless sky.  Love is beauty.

       But then when a day of doubt creeps in you might begin to wonder.  Wonder in the negative sense of inklings of distrust and apprehension about what will happen tomorrow.   Does my dear one still love me?  Is there someone else?   Is this the beginning of the end?   You wonder as the world darkens.

       It's best not to let doubts, fears, and wondering cloud the thinking.  Just to go on and let the future take care of itself.   Love should be a liberator and not an oppressor.  When things do not turn out as you expected, sometimes you just have to let love do what ever it is it needs to do.

       Love is not always a two way street.  And there are times when the wonder of love is in the wondering of what it's all about.

        Do you ever wonder about love?   Has the feeling of love ever given you a sense of wonder?   Do you see love as a liberator, a captor, a bit of both, or something else entirely?

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Vague ( #atozchallenge )

Courtship (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

       The onset of love is a time of vague apprehension.  I think of the old flower-petal game of  "she loves me, she loves me not".  Sometimes that's how it seems.  Is there something there?  Will there be a second date?  Is this the one for me?

        Courtship (such a quaint word!) has become sometimes more rushed than it used to be a century ago or in other cultures.  In the modern world the rituals of getting to know another person might happen online before two people even actually meet in person.  Talk about vague!

         Dating was never that much fun for me.  It was often difficult for me to tell how interested in me a young lady was.  In some cases there were girls whom I liked very much who I discovered years later had liked me a lot too. I just couldn't tell at the time.  It was all too vague.  Or I was just too dumb.

         I don't think vague and stupid are synonymous, but vague and ignorant might be close.  That is to say if I had been blind or ignorant to a certain knowledge of something that was true, then I may have only had a vague notion of how someone felt about me.  My thoughts or perceptions may or may not have been true, but it didn't matter because I wasn't sure of what the other person was thinking.

         Am I being vague?   Well, love is like that sometimes.   Love can be so vague that we don't realize it's there.

          Did you find dating days to be often confusing times?    Was there ever someone who you liked a lot, but never let them know because you didn't think they liked you?   Have you ever discovered years after the fact that someone you would have liked to have been with had actually liked you way back then?

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Understanding

Understand that not everything is meant to be understood. Live, let go, and don't worry about what you can't change. (Photo credit: deeplifequotes)

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. Unknown.

         Years ago I knew an older couple who had been married many years and had spent most of those years working together on the road.   I traveled with them for a couple of years and got to know them very well.  Something I began to notice after a while was when they'd be talking they'd often finish each others sentences.  

         Actually it was mostly the wife that would finish out what the husband might be saying.  I think women are more often more in tune to understanding what their spouse is thinking.  Men don't always seem to do so well with that talent.  But this man did seem to be tapped in pretty well to the nuances of his wife's needs.  They seemed like such a perfectly matched couple.

         Seeing how it was for them, I hoped that one day I might have a similar type relationship with a wife.  I've yet to be in a relationship that long lasting and doubt whether I will with my age being what it is.  I don't always understand everything my wife is thinking or wants, but I am getting better.   One thing I can see pretty readily is when she's not happy about something.   I may not know what the problem exactly is, but the icy message is now easy for me to sense.

         It wasn't always that way.  Sometimes I'd just go along thinking everything was fine and then she'd just explode because I hadn't responded in some way that she was hoping for--my understanding was not acute. Now I'm better.  I can catch that hint of a brewing Arctic emotional breeze before it turns into a gale of anger. 

        Now I'll remind her to make sure she lets ignorant me know when she wants something from me.   But my radar of understanding is now more finely attuned to her inner emotions.   I watch and listen.  And now she knows more of what to expect from me.  I guess we're turning into an old married couple with a lot more understanding than  we used to have.

         There  are some advantages to growing older.   Greater understanding is one of them.

         How good are you at reading body language and picking up on nuances of the unspoken words?   Has your understanding of relationships improved over the years?   Do you think you have a good understanding of the opposite sex?

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Romance ( #atozchallenge )

Front cover of True Life Romance #3 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 
       Ah, romance!  This is what most comes to mind when we hear the word love.  A love story is the story of romance.   Or at least the romance is where it all starts.

         Of course when we start thinking of all the words of love, romance is but one and only a small part of the picture.  Yet we should never forget the romance when it comes to romantic love.  For some it may be the gifts like flowers, candies, or jewelry.  Or the romance can be the candlelit dinners and week-end getaways.  Romance has been traditionalized in so many ways.

         Romance can be a noun, an adjective, or a verb.   It can be a genre.  Romance can be a feeling or a plethora of feelings.   Romance can be a quest or a mere query.   It can be fact or it can be fiction.

          Romance is a beginning that we should hope will last until the end and perhaps beyond.

          What is your ideal vision of romance?   What has been the most romantic gesture ever bestowed up you?   Do you read romance literature?

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Quiet Times Together ( #atozchallenge )

English: A quiet time for the River Carron. A peaceful setting for some lazy reflection after an enjoyable walk to Meikle Bin. The end of a lovely day out.  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

         What kind of companion are you?   What kind of person do you enjoy being alone with?

          I've had a few friends with whom I could spend time with and be comfortable in not speaking for long periods.   I don't mean because we were angry or anything like that, but that we just didn't feel like saying anything.  Often this might have been the case while hiking or on camping trips.  Whatever the case, there is something comforting about sharing time with another person without having to share any words.

         Marriage is probably like that for most of us.  If you're like me, you'd probably go nuts if your partner continually chattered or expected you to be saying something all the time.   Quiet times are sometimes necessary.   Quiet times together can be very comforting.

          To me, time spent silently together indicates a sense of confidence in the relationship and trust in one another.  Sometimes the deepest emotions are stated without words.  Perhaps it is a good thing to try communication exercises that don't involve speaking.   At other times it's best to let a partner be absorbed in their silent activities so they can get done whatever it is they need to do.

         Maybe all couples don't feel this way.  I don't know.   My wife and I both tend to be quiet people much of the time.  She has things to do and so do I.  If we have given each other our individual spaces with quiet times under the same roof, then our together conversation times can be much more fulfilling.

         Communication is important in any love relationship, but the quiet times reflect a different side of that love.

         Do you like to spend quiet times with another person you think a great deal of?    Does being quiet in the presence of another person make you uncomfortable?    How do you spend you quiet times? 

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Marriage

The Unequal Marriage (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage. ~ Ambrose Bierce ~

       High school was Nowheresville for me romantically speaking.  Oh, I had a couple of girlfriends, but nothing very lasting or serious.  I guess I was a bit hesitant to get too deeply involved with anyone that early in life.  Those girls with whom I had been involved got married pretty quickly out of high school and I don't know whatever happened to them.

       As for me, I went to college where still not much was happening in the relationship department.  I was a bit of mixed mind about the situation.  I liked the idea of some female companionship part of the time, but not all of the time.  I just wasn't quite ready for marriage, but more than that I wasn't finding the girl I was ready to marry.  

      All around me over the next few years friends started succumbing to the marital trap.  They all seemed kind of happy and sometimes I was starting to feel a bit lonely and left out.   When I'd drop in to visit my old friends, there was now often a new person to deal with in the way of a wife.  I was becoming the odd man. The third wheel.  The Lone Ranger.

      I hated it when I'd get called "The Lone Ranger".  The Masked Man had been my hero when I was a kid,  but I was no hero in this context of the term.  It was all said in good fun, but I think some of those friends were starting to sense my hurt and loneliness.  Sometimes they'd fix me up on on a date.  That was usually awkward for me as well as the girl I was going out with.  We both knew why we were going out and she was often in a similar situation as I was.  Somehow it never felt right.

      Finally, it took getting away from my hometown and growing a bit on my own to turn me into more of a marriageable guy.  I came into my own no longer saddled by the persona I had been to my friends.   I might still have been a "Lone Ranger", but in a mysterious masked man sort of way.

       Not long after going out on my own I did get married.  That marriage only lasted four years, but they were mostly a good four years.    Waiting was probably a sensible thing for me to do.  I'm not sure what things might have been like if I had married a hometown girl like most of my friends did.  Things might have turned out better for me, then again maybe not.   All I know is they wouldn't have turned out as they have and I would have hated to miss all that.

        Now life is mostly good.   Marriage is mostly good.  Sure it has a few crazy times now and then, but nowhere near as crazy as that loony lonely boy I was back then when I was pining for a girlfriend.  Of course there were upsides in those days, but there was a lot of uncertainty at times too.   At least now I know who I'll be eating breakfast with.  

       How old were you when you first got married?    Where you ever afraid that you'd never find the right life partner?   How did you meet your spouse?

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Light (#atozchallenge)

A powerful light shines in the dark. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

He who Love touches not walks in darkness. ~ Plato ~

      Love brightens the lonely soul with a special light.

      I can recall certain times of my life when I felt so lonely and unloved that my world seemed so very dark. Oh, I had the love of family and many friends who loved me in their own ways, but that sometimes doesn't seem to be enough. I wanted that special love. That love of my life. My companion.

      The darkest times were probably after my first two marriages failed and I felt alone again. Except I was not really alone. I had lost certain hopes and dreams that I had formulated in my mind, but realized that apparently only I had lost them or was aware that they had been lost.

      For a while I attended a codependency group on the recommendation of a therapist. That's where I came to the realization that I was not dependent on anyone for love when I could love myself and recognize the other love that is all around me.

      Love is not the light of one person alone. Love illuminates with many lights that shine with various degrees from different places. The union with a partner is a wonderful and desirable thing, but the severing of that union does not cut me off from light and put me into total darkness.

     The world is a brighter place than I have realized at certain low times of my life. The light that I carry must be tended in order to keep me going on my way. There are always other lights that can make vision clearer. We never have to walk in complete darkness. Our life is never completely devoid of love as long we welcome the love that is there already.

     Have you ever felt that you were completely unloved? What have you done in darker times to make your life better? Do you shine your light so that other lives can be brighter?

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Judgement Reserved (#atozchallenge 2013)

Love looks through a telescope; envy through a microscope. ~ Josh Billings ~

      Judging others can sometimes be difficult for us not to do. When we first begin to love someone, judgment is often set aside because we are so captivated by a new lover or friend. Then as time goes by and the newness wears off, we sometimes start noticing things we missed in the earliest stages of a relationship. We begin to see through the judge's eyes.

     Over time we pick up on quirks and habits that may begin to bother or even annoy us. Accept them. That's who they are. If you love, there are some things you should let go. If something was once endearing, why should it become irksome? If we loved a person for who they were when we met them, then we should love who they are now.

     People can change and change can be for the good or for the bad. Take care when we judge. Is the judgement warranted? Is that person helping themselves in what they do? Are they hurting us or others? Sometimes judgement is necessary. Be sure that our judgement is meant to help others and not just make ourselves seem better.

      What kinds of judgement are the worst in a relationship? When is judgement necessary? Have you ever felt that you were under the wrath of the judgement by a person you loved?

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