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| Father & Son (Photo credit: jeroenadema) |
Love either finds equality or makes it. ~ John Dryden ~
I am not my wife's boss and she is not mine. There are times when one of us will take charge of a situation, but it's a matter of what we decide or whatever seems most appropriate at that situation. Mutual love and respect allows us to recognize what seems appropriate in the proper circumstances, but the communication channels must remain open for us to be successful in our relationship.
Whether it be family or friends, if we love, we are equal.
As in any human relationship, knowledge or position may give a party the responsibility of taking charge. This does not mean that party is the dictator over the other, but the party in charge provides guidance, direction, and leadership. There should be no loss of love in these instances, but an increase in respect and deference to the one who holds the power at that time.
We see in life that power can mutable and transferable. As children we may be subjective to our parents, but as time goes by we may become like equals to them. Then if they begin to falter we may become like the parents. If the love is there, the equality evolves into an acceptance of doing the right things at the right times.
When I was a child my father wielded discipline when needed, but showed a fun side when that was the appropriate side to display. I loved my dad, but I could be scared of him as well. As I grew older we sometimes clashed as sons and fathers will sometimes do. Later after I had children of my own I began to understand my father much better and we became like equals. The day that I was able to thank him for his influence on my life and let him know that I loved him was an experience of liberation.
If love is equality, then the realization of equality through love is freedom. My past is an exhilarating rush of good memories of parents who set me free when I was ready and accepted me as an equal.
Have you experienced the feeling of child/parent equality? Do you feel that you have an equality in your marriage? How does love and equality relate to you?
When my husband was alive and the children were young we always talked over various situations together, I like to think we had the equality you wrote of. Only having a mother as died when I was three, I respected her decisions and was brought up to respect and be honest in life.
ReplyDeleteYvonne.
See, I think love is rarely equal in relationships. Most of the time, I think there is one partner who loves the other more although I don't know how one would measure it. Usually, parents love their children more than their children love them. And the same in friendships.
ReplyDeleteLove can be a tool that can be used for good or bad.
Me too on loving my dad, but being scared of him when I was youngish.
As usual a great post.
Mutual love and respect is what my husband try and live by. It works very well.
ReplyDeleteMy guy and I are equal, although he always refers to me as 'the boss'. lol As for parental equality, no. Not even close. I'm 48 and my mom still talks to me and treats me like I was a teenager. She always has. Very passive aggressive, controlling, judgmental and opinionated about how everything I do affects her. Needless to say we have a tense truce that boils over when I tell her I won't take her shit anymore.
ReplyDeleteThere's no equality in my marriage. I'm totally the boss!!! ;) Heehee, just kidding. We're equals of course.
ReplyDeleteI'm more equal with my parents now that I'm an adult. They're my parents first but they're my friends, too.
Happy A to Z-ing! from Laura Marcella @ Wavy Lines
Perfectly said. I can't add a thing.
ReplyDeleteYou relayed my thoughts perfectly. Thanks, Lee.
ReplyDeleteYvonne - When loved ones are gone we realize more what we miss.
ReplyDeleteTeresa -- I know what you are saying and do agree with you. I'm just saying that over time a relationship equals out more. I think this is especially true with the parent/child relationship. Dominance can always be a factor, but I think it's often a matter of what we choose.
Sally -- I think "try" is a great qualifier here.
JoJo -- Personalities can certainly get in the way of love. We do what we can to try to achieve the balance that brings us closer to equality.
Laura -- Understanding is an important part of the love relationship.
LD -- Thanks for stopping!
Susan -- And thank you too!
Lee
What a beautiful post! It is so true that although one partner may take the lead at some moments, there should be no loss of love. This is sometimes easier said than done, but a beautiful thought nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteThanks for creating such a fantastic blog hop!!
My husband and I would consider ourselves equals and I think that it is because we have a deep mutual respect and appreciation for each other.
ReplyDeleteIt is a little harder with my son who will be turning 21 in a few months and still lives at home while he is finishing his education. While I try to treat him as an equal and respect his decisions, sometimes it is hard to accept the fact that he is a mature, capable adult and can make his own decisions and suffer his own consequences. I admit that I still think of myself of his mother and do try to encourage him in his decisions, particularly if I feel that he is making a poor choice.
Jessica -- Thank you for being a part of A to Z.
ReplyDeleteRechelle -- I think there is that time of breaking away/rebellion/coming into ones own that changes the parent/child relationship, but I think when the true love is there it all comes around to an equality even if it's after our parents are gone. We usually can start seeing things more as they saw them and understand what they went through.
Lee