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| Understand that not everything is meant to be understood. Live, let go, and don't worry about what you can't change. (Photo credit: deeplifequotes) |
Years ago I knew an older couple who had been married many years and had spent most of those years working together on the road. I traveled with them for a couple of years and got to know them very well. Something I began to notice after a while was when they'd be talking they'd often finish each others sentences.
Actually it was mostly the wife that would finish out what the husband might be saying. I think women are more often more in tune to understanding what their spouse is thinking. Men don't always seem to do so well with that talent. But this man did seem to be tapped in pretty well to the nuances of his wife's needs. They seemed like such a perfectly matched couple.
Seeing how it was for them, I hoped that one day I might have a similar type relationship with a wife. I've yet to be in a relationship that long lasting and doubt whether I will with my age being what it is. I don't always understand everything my wife is thinking or wants, but I am getting better. One thing I can see pretty readily is when she's not happy about something. I may not know what the problem exactly is, but the icy message is now easy for me to sense.
It wasn't always that way. Sometimes I'd just go along thinking everything was fine and then she'd just explode because I hadn't responded in some way that she was hoping for--my understanding was not acute. Now I'm better. I can catch that hint of a brewing Arctic emotional breeze before it turns into a gale of anger.
Now I'll remind her to make sure she lets ignorant me know when she wants something from me. But my radar of understanding is now more finely attuned to her inner emotions. I watch and listen. And now she knows more of what to expect from me. I guess we're turning into an old married couple with a lot more understanding than we used to have.
There are some advantages to growing older. Greater understanding is one of them.
How good are you at reading body language and picking up on nuances of the unspoken words? Has your understanding of relationships improved over the years? Do you think you have a good understanding of the opposite sex?
Loved the quote at the beginning of your blog. Very interesting your perception of the opposite sex, There are some men also women that i'll never understand,
ReplyDeleteYvonne.
"Now I'm better. I can catch that hint of a brewing Arctic emotional breeze before it turns into a gale of anger." I liked this! :-D
ReplyDeleteLee, this is a very interesting post. It just reminds us of how important communication is in a relationship. I think in the early years of the relationship, we tend to keep things to ourselves in order to avoid conflicts, but it just makes it worse. Certainly the body language can reflect the negative feelings being held.
I think my husband and I are now better at discussing issues with honesty and on a gentle way.
Doris
As soon as I realized that 'women like to be asked, men need to be told', things went a lot smoother. My ex-h and I were best friends and roommates more than spouses so he & I did the 'think alike/finish sentences' thing. However my fiance' keeps saying that he's waiting for the 'Joanne book' to figure me out. That said, we get along really well.
ReplyDeleteHi Lee .. understanding applies in all walks of life .. we need to appreciate and understand more where people are in their lives and adapt as necessary to give them their needs, ours often can wait .. helping others will give us value to our lives ..
ReplyDeleteUnderstanding in all aspects of life ..
Cheers Hilary
Yvonne -- I think that in general men are less tuned in to feelings than women are.
ReplyDeleteDoris -- Thank you! I think the passing of years tend to open us up more if we are truly invested in the longevity of the relationship.
JoJo -- If the chemistry is right, the formula works.
Hilary -- So agreed. If we don't see things from the other person's perspective as well as or own, good communication and agreement is difficult to achieve.
Lee
Your introductory quote is very thought-provoking.
ReplyDeleteArlee, what happens with my hubby and me now is that I will say something and he will say, "I was just going to say that." Not only do we finish each others sentences, we finish each others thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI do read body language very well. Part of that is a natural intuition, but I also learned a lot about body language when I trained to be a chaplain. Often we say so much without words.
My husband would read this and agree with you 100%! He always tells me he's not psychic and I need to it all out to him.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to be more patient, but it takes effort on both parts. Good post! =)
Moon -- Kind of reminds me of the Serenity prayer or whatever that is they recite at AA meetings.
ReplyDeleteMaryann -- Probably more truth is spoken without words than with.
Danielle -- A relationship without patience on both sides will be difficult to maintain successfully with happiness for each party.
Lee
I know my gender is often guilty of the cold-shoulder treatment, but I'm a strong believer in just saying what's on our minds. It's much easier that way (& I've been married for 44 years).
ReplyDeleteKathy @ Swagger Writers
Thought-provoking. I seriously doubt my spouse will ever understand everything I don't say. If he does, he'll probably be ahead of me (as in, I don't know sometimes what it is that I'm feeling). There's a touch of Asperger's in each of us, and sometimes it shows. After 19 years we are learning to say things, not just think them.
ReplyDeleteRebecca at The Ninja Librarian