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"The human heart, at whatever age, opens to the heart that opens in return." - Maria Edgeworth
Love should be as much about what not to say when words need not be spoken as when to say what needs to be said. A fair and patient interchange of thoughts, ideas, and opinions should be welcome. If words are not intended for hurt or eroding a relationship, the channels for their exchange should be left open.
There are difficulties ahead for the relationship that does not allow for openness. Honesty that mutually informs and helps to strengthen a relationship is the key to confidence in the love relationship. We should speak with respect and caring. Harsh words can cut deeper and have more lasting negative effects than anything else between two people. Measure the words, but never stifle them completely.
No one that I know is a mind reader. I certainly am not. If my wife wants something badly enough she needs to let me know what it is precisely. Hints may work, but they are not always the most effective way to communicate. Silent treatments don't help to build a relationship, but angry words don't contribute much that is good either. Straight talk and openness is the best way. If the other party cannot handle that then the fault is upon them and not you if you've tried to keep channels of communication open.
The old saying "Love means never having to say you're sorry" may work if you are adequately showing your contrition, but for me there is not much that is better than a truly sincere heartfelt apology. If we are open with each other and to each other's needs, then we may never have to get to the point where apologies might be considered necessary. Maybe that's where the adage comes into play. With openness in love, we are unlikely to come to the point where apologies are even an issue.
Openness is a gateway that allows love to flow freely in and out.
What kinds of things are best left unsaid in a love relationship? How are you able to facilitate more openness in your relationships with those you love?
The word sorry is so easy to say, unless it is said with sincerity it is a waste of time. I would however say if a couple of people I know would apologise right now I'd be over the moon.If I am in the wrong I apologise without hesitation.
ReplyDeleteGreat subject.
Yvonne.
I learned in my first marriage one simple thing: Women like to be asked, men need to be told. Hinting around does no good. I had to come right out and say 'I want this or that' or whatever or else my ex would be completely clueless. For example when we traveled, it did no good to say, 'oh such and such is coming up'. I would wait for him to say, 'do you want to stop?' Then we'd sail right past it and I'd get pissed off and say, 'I wanted to see that!' and he'd say, 'why didn't you speak up?' and I'd say, 'I did!' and he'd say, 'you never said let's stop!'
ReplyDeleteWhen you want something from your spouse, it make sense to just ask. Unless, of course, what you want is for them to think of it on their own without being asked.
ReplyDeleteYour observations about the silent treatment and angry words are good. I think it's best to walk away and calm down before you say something you'll regret.
ReplyDeleteYvonne -- I think it's best to let the apologizes be said rather than allowing the hurts to fester.
ReplyDeleteJoJo - You got it! This is so true.
LD -- If what you would like is something that you want a spouse to think of and they don't then it's a good idea to let it go and not hold them responsible for not thinking of it. Sometimes we have to be told because we just don't know.
Wendy -- So true. You can't take back mean words, but you can calm down and not say them.
Lee
JoJo said a mouthful!It took me way too long to learn to speak up... and my husband still hasn't learned what I mean when I say "Look, a great antique store!" :) Or maybe he's just being smart.
ReplyDelete