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| The Unequal Marriage (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
High school was Nowheresville for me romantically speaking. Oh, I had a couple of girlfriends, but nothing very lasting or serious. I guess I was a bit hesitant to get too deeply involved with anyone that early in life. Those girls with whom I had been involved got married pretty quickly out of high school and I don't know whatever happened to them.
As for me, I went to college where still not much was happening in the relationship department. I was a bit of mixed mind about the situation. I liked the idea of some female companionship part of the time, but not all of the time. I just wasn't quite ready for marriage, but more than that I wasn't finding the girl I was ready to marry.
All around me over the next few years friends started succumbing to the marital trap. They all seemed kind of happy and sometimes I was starting to feel a bit lonely and left out. When I'd drop in to visit my old friends, there was now often a new person to deal with in the way of a wife. I was becoming the odd man. The third wheel. The Lone Ranger.
I hated it when I'd get called "The Lone Ranger". The Masked Man had been my hero when I was a kid, but I was no hero in this context of the term. It was all said in good fun, but I think some of those friends were starting to sense my hurt and loneliness. Sometimes they'd fix me up on on a date. That was usually awkward for me as well as the girl I was going out with. We both knew why we were going out and she was often in a similar situation as I was. Somehow it never felt right.
Finally, it took getting away from my hometown and growing a bit on my own to turn me into more of a marriageable guy. I came into my own no longer saddled by the persona I had been to my friends. I might still have been a "Lone Ranger", but in a mysterious masked man sort of way.
Not long after going out on my own I did get married. That marriage only lasted four years, but they were mostly a good four years. Waiting was probably a sensible thing for me to do. I'm not sure what things might have been like if I had married a hometown girl like most of my friends did. Things might have turned out better for me, then again maybe not. All I know is they wouldn't have turned out as they have and I would have hated to miss all that.
Now life is mostly good. Marriage is mostly good. Sure it has a few crazy times now and then, but nowhere near as crazy as that loony lonely boy I was back then when I was pining for a girlfriend. Of course there were upsides in those days, but there was a lot of uncertainty at times too. At least now I know who I'll be eating breakfast with.
How old were you when you first got married? Where you ever afraid that you'd never find the right life partner? How did you meet your spouse?
I met my husband at a dance and "Knew" he was the "One", I was seventeen, he twenty-one. We got married 2 years later when I was 19 on my mothers' birthday, she was over the moon, I was proud as she was a wonderful mother, she called my husband her birthday present,
ReplyDeleteWe had thirty five happy years before he passed away ......just 2 months after my mother, I guess she wanted her birthday present with her,
Yvonne.
I thought I'd never get married, I was engaged at the age of 18, but thankfully he dumped me before we hit the altar. It hurt but now I am glad. I dated some after that, moved a few times and eventually got set up on a blind date that turned into the best thing ever. We met in November of 1988 and 24 years ago TODAY (April 15) we got married. I was 28 and he was 32. It has been the best time of my life.
ReplyDelete#AtoZChallenge
I don't know how I missed this blog of yours. How many do you have? To answer your questions, I met my hubby by answering his ad in the paper. I was in my early 30s and wanted to get a friend off my back about using the personals, so I agreed I would give it a go if she would back off. LOL.
ReplyDeleteRhonda @Laugh-Quotes.com
Visiting from AtoZ
One of the motivating factors behind my first marriage was my belief that no one else would want me. This was my sad truth at 18 and, in retrospect makes no sense at all. But that was the insecure, highly controlled 18 year that I was... and it was 1970. Fast forward a few years and, with the influence of the college environment and the Women's Center on the San Jose State University campus, I had gained much confidence. When my then husband became scared of the changes he saw, he became physically abusive and I was out of there. Could never have done it w/o counseling and the support of the Women's Center. After a very full decade, I was married again in 1983. This time, I went into the marriage with eyes wide open. I had also reached a place where marriage was only one option on the table. I knew that my life would not be defined by whether or not I was married.
ReplyDeleteI met my current spouse in a grad school class. He was the guest speaker that evening and a group of us went out for a glass of wine after class. At the time, I was elsewhere involved but he had made an impression on me. Two years later, I ran into him at a local restaurant. We were both in a good place, each independent and happy with our lives as they were. We started hanging out and about a year later we were married. We will be celebrating our 30th anniversary in Yosemite later this week. :)
I've been married (to the same guy) all my adult life. I wouldn't trade him for the world but there are times I wonder what I might have missed by getting married so young.
ReplyDeleteI first got married soon out of high school. That was a mistake. My second (and last) husband and I were married um... 8 years ago now (I think? LOL We aren't great at keeping track of that sort of thing) and we are very happy together. We met online... back before everyone was meeting online. It was still rather novel then LOL
ReplyDelete13 years and going strong.
ReplyDeleteI met my hubby when I was 16. He's my soul mate. We were married 2 months after he got home from a service mission, and have been happily-ever-aftering since. He's my best friend and creative partner.
I was married to the husband who will not be named for 14 years. Then I married Mr. Wonderful. It has been 30 some years and I have to say I have been blessed. He's "Still the one."
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment on my blog. San Diego is my 2nd favorite mission. We were treated to the organist practicing for the Sunday Service and it was wonderful.
Thanks for heading this challenge and a challenge it is indeed.
http://completelycalifornia.blogspot.com/
Yvonne -- 35 years is a very good marital stretch.
ReplyDeleteSheila -- Happy Anniversary!
Rhonda(LaughQuotes)-- I have 4 of my own blogs. I guess those ads can work!
Gracie -- 30 years is wonderful. My first wife was 18 when we got married. She was too young and I didn't now how to deal with her. We're kind of friends now after 36 years, but I think our personalities would still clash.
LD -- There are probably many benefits to that kind of marriage situation.
Rhonda Parrish-- Online meetings probably have a lot of advantages.
Crystal -- Keep it going! A soul mate should last forever.
Ann -- It's good when you finally find that special someone who you can stay married to.
Lee
I eloped at 24 and it seemed right at the time and we had a really good time and were the best of friends, but we ended up more like roommates and he descended into alcoholism and mental illness. I left after 22 years. I am engaged to the love of my life now and we consider ourselves married w/o the piece of paper. I call him my husband, he calls me his wife; his daughter thinks of me as her stepmom.
ReplyDeleteI think you make an excellent point about needing to gain the freedom of being away from the expectations of who you were to become who you are. I'm glad everything worked out well for you.
ReplyDeleteI married at 19 & we're still together 44 years later. My 60-year-old brother, however, is still trying to find someone to love as much as the girl who dumped him 40 years ago. I guess we're all different.
ReplyDeleteKathy @ Swagger Writers
You wouldn't believe how I met my husband if I told you, so I'll skip it. :)
ReplyDeleteJoJo -- Your first is a tough story. I'm glad things turned out well for you.
ReplyDeleteCM -- If we aren't happy with the outcome of things then regrets won't change anything.
Kathy --Isn't that the truth! We are all different.
Ciara -- Now you should tell the story. Don't leave us hanging like that.
Lee
Hi Lee .. I agree with you .. come on Ciara - now I want to know??!!
ReplyDeleteIt's the way of life isn't it - can't force a marriage - well you could, but probably not wisely ..
Cheers Hilary